Why I'm Weird

I just got back from two weeks with a course with the infamous clown teacher Philippe Gaulier. (Clown meaning improvisation on steroids, not like juggling in a circus tent.) It was .... intense. But instructive and inspiring! I have a great time!

Being out of the country for a moment gave me sometime to reflect on some feedback from a bunch of people about what this newsletter. People tell me a lot: it seems like you're not trying to be famous, just making the best of what you have.

A bit about that: in years past I had "go for stardom" mindset but with that I made the wrong decisions. I believed people when they said my characters weren't "serious." Followed bad advice that I should stick to dramatic roles because I'm a tall skinny beoch. I ruined my Garbo solo play by attempting to fit it into a mainstream box, when it was meant to be an absurd comedy from the start. I got weird about posting pictures that weren't flattering because OMG what if.

In short, I was boring. 

At some point I couldn't keep creating to match other people's standards; I had to start doing it for myself. Now I still have my hands in all sorts of industry pots but I've seen enough to no longer believe show biz is a talent contest. Talent doesn't always rise to the top, and as Silas Howard, a brilliant director and one of my podcasts guests said, mediocrity often does. So I slowly learned that industry standards of success do not have bearing on my artistic value.

That's not to say I don't want validation with a growing audience and opportunities. I mean, I put a lot in, I gotta get see some movement. But I've come to accept that I'm too weird to go on the path most traveled. It will have to happen in my own way, by growing my own comedy universe that's in my control (for example, my shows, podcast, and - soon -  Patreon).

Hope that makes sense.

Feel free to chat with me online or IRL about this. There's a lot to say.