Use Your Weirdness to Shut Down the Haters

As commonly as NYC waiters spit in your food, us weirdos have to deal with haters throwing shade, both comments and looks, in our direction.

Maybe they’re jealous that we have the guts to be our nutty selves. But, really, who cares about them. They’re as boring and exhausting as the 4th page of a New Yorker article. (Which I will force myself to finish, having learned to properly flagellate myself in my all-girls Catholic high school.)

This past weekend I was out celebrating with some friends and a group of irritating people escalated what should have been a simple misunderstanding into a sizable skirmish.

It was unfortunate as we were in the alleged happiest place on earth. As the altercation progressed someone shouted from the sidelines, “Oh my gawd, we’re in Disney!”

One of the Mean-Girls-aspiring pack tried to lay their hands on someone I care about. Instinctively that’s when I jumped into the mess.

Despite my best born-and-raised-in-Queens-so-don’t-mess-with-me efforts, the pack continued to persist like first day period cramps. They kept yelling like the little rat dogs Paris Hilton keeps in her purse and wouldn’t leave the venue. So, I used a trick my cousin once taught me that easily lent into my strengths.

My cousin advised me that if you ever need to stop people from bothering you … just act crazy.

My natural talent in behaving like a lunatic thus becomes my superpower!

For those who aren’t familiar, I engage daily in coo-coo-bird hijinks with 15+ sketch comedy characters on my IG channel. I’ve ceased caring long ago if anyone calls me weird, crazy, or bizarre. I take that as a compliment. So thank you.

Using the crazy card has worked for me every time. Size ceases to matter when people think you’re insane. You’re unpredictable. You’re a live wire. And you’re scary.

I used that trick to take the subway at all hours through the worst neighborhood in NYC. I used it again riding overnight trains and buses throughout India. And I used it this weekend.

I looked right into the lead irritant’s eyes and repeated over and over again — because that’s also a terrifyingly bizarre behavior — looney, threatening statements. I barely blinked. And I didn’t stop until she said, “OMG you’re crazy.” I let out a little laugh. They ran.

Most of the time I think you should just ignore haters because they’re a waste of space. If you feel like they’re going to inflict significant harm to you or someone you care about, however, then I say go into full freak mode. Say crazy things about eating dead people. Bang your head against the wall. Speak in a creepy voice with your eyes bulging like you eat live gerbils for breakfast.

Those haters will never forget you and they certainly will never bother you again.