Making It Through the Holidays Without a Family Screaming Match
It’s HERE!!!!!!
The holidays are upon us and that means more family time which inevitably leads to more drama.
It’s very hard for us oddballs around the holidays. We’re often the only progressive person in our families (unless you’re Stephen Miller, in which case you’re the kind of weirdo who drinks mead from goat horns and denies that they’re a white supremacist) so that brings a particular stress. We’re often to eat their barbs.
My first podcast guest* Dr. NYC, a psychologist specializing in high-conflict families, was super generous in giving us precious tips to get us out of the holidays without a familial screaming match.
One of the key takeaways from this podcast episode is that when we go into holiday gatherings it is not the time to convince our loved ones that they should agree with us. About anything! It’s actually probably one of the worst times. It’s often a charged event where people are stressed out, tired and drinking. And then when someone starts to get pissed off and we get amped up, or vice versa, they get more and more unwilling to hear another viewpoint.
Instead, we probably want to focus on the things that we have in common. Do some sort of non-volatile activity. Say you all have an interest in cards. Play gin rummy and talk about the weather. Or dinner. Or your hair. Anything but politics! If it goes in that direction then politely move onto something else.
Please keep in mind that I got these tips because I need to know how to do this! I really want to make the world a better place and have zero tolerance for -isms … so if someone starts mouthing off, I will not be silent. And I shouldn’t! Still, I know that I don’t always handle these situations in the most productive way.
So I’m real with the fact that staying away from hot-button topics in a non-confrontational way is something I’m going to fail at, at least 87 times throughout the holiday season. I have to remember to take more deep breaths and know that there is a better time and place to have dialogue about important issues. Having that conversation after eggnog jello shots (just my family?) is probably not the best idea!
How do you plan on dealing with family drama over the holidays?
*What podcast, you wonder? I’m delighted to inform you! It’s called Reconcile the Aisle, in which myself and my characters interview experts to figure out how we can have public dialogue about difficult topics. Available wherever podcasts are found. Direct links over at here.